Sit back and reflect on things

Question- Pranam Swamiji, I am a working woman with 3 kids. I live in Ahmedabad. My husband is a nice person, a software engineer. But, he is social unlike me. I meditate every day, and I don't like social people. I feel I don't love him from the first day we met. I am in love with a person. He is my facebook friend. He is a very deep meditative, intelligent and very impressive personality. He is godlike for me. I want to spend my whole life with him. Because he is the man I was searching for, I feel. I don't feel like to spend my rest life with my hubby. What should I do?

Ikkyu- There is no question of what you should do. Don’t ask this now. You have already done enough. Now, just stop doing everything. Sit back and reflect on things going around you. Do a little introspection.

As I can see your problem is born out of a very famous religious disease known as ‘Holier than thou attitude.’ It is a very ancient disease. Almost every so-called religious person is suffering from it. You are not the first one. You think you are holier than your husband, he is a social man and you are a religious woman. This superiority complex of yours is the root cause of all the turmoil you’re facing and creating in your life. In India, almost all married women are suffering from this disease, they all feel that they are religious souls, and their husbands are dragging them into hell. They always look down upon their husband for he is the one who is forcing her into sex-and obviously, sex is a sin. Hence, You see these Indian women hovering around So-called Godmen and Babas of whom they think are super celibates. They seek solace in their teaching, grovel at their feet and beg for liberation from their husband. You seem to be doing the same in a very sophisticated and modern way.   

Just drop the idea that you are a religious woman. If you were really religious you would see God in everyone, even in your husband. This is the criterion, unless you see God in your neighbours, in your kids and at last in your husband, do not consider yourself a religious person. It is very easy to see good in someone you don’t know well. If you don’t know a person well, you can project anything on him.

I have met many godlike, deep meditative personalities from Facebook in person, and without any exception, they all had feet of venal clay. So beware.     

"सिर्फ़ इक क़दम उठा था ग़लत राह-ए-शौक़ में, मंज़िल तमाम उम्र मुझे ढूँढती रही"

You don’t love your husband because you don’t have love in your heart. You don’t love even this man who you have met on Facebook. If love is not unconditional, it cannot be called love. What if this man from Facebook was not godlike? 

Bringing change in the situation will change nothing in your life, you have to change yourself. As they say in French, "plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose." You say my husband is a nice person. What else do you want now? If there were any particle problems like he would be beating and abusing you and kids, I would definitely advise you to move on. But your problems are utterly superficial.  

Spend time away from social media and the internet. Play with children, be in nature, behold the morning sun, and feast your eyes on the setting sun in the evening. Do some creative thing every day.  Asking for love is a very childish thing, learn to give love. Love your husband for what he is. No man can match your imagination, you can imagine anything. Reality will never fit into it.

Instead of wasting and killing time on Facebook and WhatsApp, read some good books. At this juncture, reading “Anna Karenina” from Tolstoy will help you understand many things.